someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize