i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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