You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
