i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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