I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
