Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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