Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
