I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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