dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
