I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
