I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
