are you still at the devil's house?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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