we're chasing vodka with high fives
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
