"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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