Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
