is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
