Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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