i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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