I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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