Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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