If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
