You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We need to get me chipped asap
I think people are normalizing furries
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
