Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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