the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
