Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
