you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
