just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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