Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a beard to bite.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
