Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
