You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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