I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
its liver damage thursday
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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