Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
