I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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