Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
