walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
