..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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