At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
