I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
