Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
