John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
