Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
