mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
