Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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