Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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