so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
