you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are a genius and a whore.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
