Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He? As in you personified your dick?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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