i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
