Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
