My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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