I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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