if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize