He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
