They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
