Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
