after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
