he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
