i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
