I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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