do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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