the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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