My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The ass gains better be worth it
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