god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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