Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
