allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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