Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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